An Unsolicited Thing I Wrote For A Shaving Cream Company

First and foremost, a link to their Facebook page where the "thing" is posted. In picture form. Probably so no one could edit or steal it and claim it as their own. CUZ IT'S MINE!!!!!! :-)

I'M THE LINK!!!! CLICK ME!!!!

And now, without further adieu.....

My endorsement of "LUCKY TIGER SHAVE LOTION"!!!!!

Let's be serious. Shaving sucks. Every couple days, my face decides to break out in a bad case of "hair". I didn't ask for this! It was imposed upon me. This isn't even the nice soft hair that's (mostly still) on my head that encourages soft and pretty lady-hands to run through. No no, this is the wiry, sharp vestiges of barb-wire fence poking out of my body.

So I run a sharp blade across my face on a regular basis, on my lip and chin, my cheeks and my jugular just so I am not described as "fuzzy", "rough", "homeless", "destitute" or "Amish". 

And it's never a good experience. I never finish my follicle-scraping and think "Damn, that was better than that weekend in Bangkok" (you know what I'm talking about). Usually I think "WHERE'S THE STYPTIC PENCIL" and then rush to find something, anything, to stop the blood-letting before I lose consciousness. Whether that's a bandage, super-glue, staple gun or neck-tie tourniquet, my self-preservation instinct kicks in and I come out of the event looking more like Frankenstein's monster than a well-groomed human being. 

It didn't end there for me unfortunately. Even with a sharp new razor, the inevitable ingrown hair bumps and redness persisted, giving me the look of a 13 year old figuring out acne for the first time crossed with a taste-test sample platter for a new breed of mosquito. 

Quite frankly, my trips out in public ended with social strike-outs, shunning, and the occasional day in the stocks for perceived vagrancy.

Sure, I've tried everything. I've tried creams and lotions, I've tried gels and soaps. Like any red-blooded American, I've even rubbed bacon fat on my face to lube it, only to be disappointed in the results. I needed something different, something special, something that didn't require the tears of angels or the dreams of the children in order to work.

That's when I found a sample packet of "Lucky Tiger" shaving lotion. Having seen the Lucky Tiger team at a Milwaukee Admirals game (with a fantastic REO Speedwagon conert afterwards, but I digress), I received a sample, and admittedly tossed it in a drawer rather nonchalantly. 

One day, as I was dreading the inevitable face-scrape-fest and the weeping that was sure to follow, I pulled the sample packet of Lucky Tiger Shave Lotion out of my drawer, and with all the expectations of victory of Ross Perot, I squeezed the cream onto my hand, and applied it liberally to my face and neck. 

First and foremost, I noticed the soft, warm sensation that seemed to provide my face with a sense of comfort, as if to say "hey, I'm Lucky Tiger Shave Lotion, and I'm here to help."

Alright, thinks I, let's give this a go!

A few tentative swipes in, and the stubble might as well be falling off my face into the welcoming gentle hands of the razor blade. This couldn't be true, I thought, this isn't the way it works! But oh, yes, it was true, and in possible the shortest, softest, most comfortable shave I ever had, I grabbed my warm towel to wipe down my face. I looked, as my past had trained me to, in the mirror and on the towel to find the small spots of blood so I could address them immediately. 

To my happy surprise, not a trace of blood anywhere, not a single itch, sting, or gash on my face. I ran my hand against the natural grain of the hair, and felt.... nothing. 

The visage in the mirror had a look of shock, excitement, and glee all rolled into one. The Lucky Tiger Shave Lotion protected my face, guided my razor, and gently assisted with the removal of the stubble in an effortless manner.

I PINCHED MYSELF TO MAKE SURE I WASN'T DREAMING!!!!! And that pinch was the worst pain of the morning. 

HOT DIGGITY! We shall need to put this new smooth (and downright sexy - in my ever so humble opinion) face to the test!!!! 

Out I go, into the wild jungle of public interaction, where everyone is judged on nothing they can control. I show my face in one, two, three clubs that night. Time after time some of the softest hands and prettiest faces would mention in some way or another the smoothness of my skin, the softness of my face, and yes, the pleasant scent one could only detect when leaning very closely into my neck.

Well, if this is how things are going to go, maybe, just maybe, Lucky Tiger Shave Lotion knows just what the hell it's doing!

Now, I'm not one to kiss and tell... usually... but I will say this. Since that first time with Lucky Tiger Shave Lotion, I have not gone back to my old ways, my old gels and creams, and my hours of cauterizing open arteries and mopping up pools of blood off the floor have never returned. 

What did I change? The razor? Time of day? Direction of shave? No. I made the change from anything else to Lucky Tiger Shave Lotion. 

I don't write letters of endorsement for just any product that simply does it's job properly. But Lucky Tiger Shave Lotion didn't just do it's job. Lucky Tiger Shave Lotion gave me the confidence to know I can get through shaving without having to worry about the gore-fest that came before, the confidence to know I can have my face caressed without leaving a splinter in the nice lady's hand, the confidence to know that I won't be mistaken for an Amish Vagrant any longer, and the confidence that I will have nothing facial-folliclely in the way of getting Lucky... Tiger... 

Look out ladies... the Tiger is unleashed....